Pocket Taser

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser
for their anniversary
submitted this:



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol &
Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion as our 15th anniversary and
I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Julie. What I came
across was a 100,000-volt,
pocket/purse-sized taser.




The effects of the taser were supposed to be short
lived, with no
long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
allowing her adequate time to
retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device
and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and
pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however,
that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against
a metal surface at the
same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!



Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what
that burn spot is on the
face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy,
thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A
batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking
on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and
thinking that I really needed
to try this thing out on a flesh &
blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife
to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
would work as
advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top
with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, and taser
in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would
shock and disorient your
assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to
cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily
control; a three-second
burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on
the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst
longer than three
seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the
while I'm looking at this
little device measuring about 5" long, less than
3/4 inch in circumference;
pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
triple-A batteries) thinking
to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description,
but I'll do my best...? I'm
sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her
head cocked to one side as
to say, " don't do it dipshit," reasoning that a
one second burst from such a
tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a
one second burst just for heck of it. I touched
the prongs to my naked
thigh, pushed the
button, and . . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the
side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on
the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely
recall waking up on my
side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes,
body soaking wet, both
nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with
my left arm tucked under my
body in the oddest position, and tingling in my
legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard
before, clinging to a
picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously
in an attempt to avoid
getting slammed by my body flopping all
over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself
with a taser, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one second
burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is
dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing
about on the floor. A three
second burst would be considered conservative?

*!*?*!!!, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was
a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had
left), sat up and surveyed the
landscape. My bent reading glasses were
on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was
upside down and about 8
feet or so from where it originally was. My
triceps, right thigh and both
nipples were still twitching. My face felt
like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I
had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit
myself, but was too numb
to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.; I
saw a faint smoke cloud
above my head which I believe it came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my
nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their
safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly
threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being
stupid."

Wow, lol. I actually bought an 800,000 volt stun gun disguised and doubling as a flash light recently, it was on sale for only $35 and I don't own a weapon.

And I was thinking about shocking myself with it before I read this

Glad you read this first.

I don't think we have met. I am Jade. I am the leader of Rebelious Lightbringers. Are you in my guild and I just don't recognize the name or are you from another guild?
Regardless nice meeting you.

Jade